Ninja Art of Manly Posing!
by Ranmawho1
Summary: SUPER CRACKFIC ONESHOT WITH TWO CHAPTERS THAT YOU MUST READ! When the Raikage loses his arm in the battle against Sasuke, He recieves help from the most unlikely of sources, the gods of Manly Posing! Read at your own risk! Sequel to 'Muscles ARE Useful!
1. Chapter 1

A/N– Mua ha ha ha! Tremble in fear, for as I wait patiently for my betas to finish working on my latest two chapters of 'Rebirth of a Legend', I proudly pull from my deranged mind another work of muscle-fueled insanity for your entertainment!

Disclaimer- Nope, I don't own nothin' involved in this crack-fic. If ya try ta sue me, I promise that the only thing you'll get is a huge headache, as well as a raging sex-drive every time you look at peanuts!

WARNING! This fic is a work of oddness with complete and utter... Well, a lack of any sane thought, and bound to cause insanity, as well as severe cases of laughter where, if you are in a public place, will earn you many weird stares!

So, without further adieu, I present my latest act of insomnia-induced literary lunacy!

**-Ninja Art of Manly Posing!-**

The Raikage faced off against Sasuke, looking at the youth with a cold glare as he bandaged the bleeding stump of his arm, moving in front of the others as he prepared to face off against the Uchiha once again. "If you think my losing an arm will keep me from defeating you, guess again!" He snarled, getting ready to attack.

Sasuke snorted, crossing his arms as he returned the Raikage's glare disdainfully. "I am Uchiha, you don't stand a chance against my inherit greatness." He shot back loftily. "I have two of the ultimate jutsu, which only a Uchiha can use. You don't stand a chance against me. All those muscles, and you can't hope to match me, weakling." With that, he shot forward, charging a Chidori.

"_Here he comes!" _The Raikage thought, grimacing in pain.

"HALT!" The sudden, loud voice caught the two off guard, forcing Sasuke to leap back at the last second as two huge puffs of smoke erupted in front of an equally surprised Raikage. "Young man! Proclaimed a loud, commanding voice from the smoke-cloud to the left. "To insult the beauty of a well-muscled physique, when you yourself are nothing but a pale-skinned, anorexic child is beyond forgiveness! Prepare to be punished by the Muscle Gods!" The smoke suddenly blew away, revealing an incredibly tall, well-built man with hard blue eyes and bushy mustache, as well as a single golden lock of hair on his otherwise bald head, standing there with his arms crossed and wearing a military uniform.

"Yes!" Exclaimed a voice from the other cloud of smoke, heavily accented. "To insult such a build is an insult to bodybuilders everywhere!" The smoke blew away, revealing another tall, heavily-muscled man, wearing a snappy business suit, his long, honey-brown tresses falling about his shoulders."You must be... Terminated!"

"Prepare yourself!" The first man exclaimed, grabbing onto the front of his coat, ripping it away to reveal his rippling muscles, kneeling into an Atlas pose. "For you face the glorious physique of Alex Louise Armstrong, the Strong-arm Alchemist!" He exclaimed.

"Ahnd me, Govenah of Chalifonia, Arnold Alois Schwarznegger!" Schwarznegger yelled, ripping off his clothes to reveal his Olympian build and neon-green speedo, flexing his chest and triceps, standing just behind Armstrong with the backs of his hands almost touching one another. "We ah the Gods of Manly Posing! Look upon our puhfect bodies and despaih, puny little girhly man!" He exclaimed.

One of Sasuke's eyebrows began to twitch violently. "Do you think you can stand up to the might of the Uchiha? We are the elite. Amataratsu!" He exclaimed, his left eye beginning to bleed as the black flame formed and shot towards the two.

"HAH!" Armstrong exclaimed, standing up and raising his arms, flexing his chest and biceps as the flame splashed harmlessly against his bulging pecs, unable to withstand their flexile power. "Your puny little under-muscled attack stands no chance against the most perfectly built physique of the Armstrong Family!" He exclaimed haughtily.

In the meantime, Schwarznegger turned to the Raikage, looking at him. "I will restore your arm." He stated, flexing his butt-cheeks.

"Wh-" The Raikage started, his eyes widening from the sheer oddity of it all, when suddenly the stump of his left arm began to tingle, then the bandages blew away as his arms quickly reformed, huge iron bracer and all. "How?!" He yelled in wonder and shocked confusion, flexing the fingers of his new arm.

Schwarznegger smirked. "You ah a bodybuilder, ahnd we take care of our own." He replied, looking over his shoulder towards Sasuke. "Who is the puny little bahby ovah there?" He asked.

"That's Sasuke Uchiha, a wanted criminal." The Raikage growled, flexing ominously.

Armstrong twitched a bit at that. "What is a saucy uke?" He asked, his moustache bristling. "It sounds like something that is fundamentally evil!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched more prominatly. "He said SASUKE, not 'saucy uke'!" He snapped irritably.

Schwarznegger looked over his shoulder at the Uchiha. "Quiet! Feah my manly sex appeal!" He exclaimed, lifting his right hand and flexing his pinky finger.

"DAMN!" Sasuke swore, instantly calling up Susanoo as quickly as he could, his eyes widening as his ultimate defense barely withstood the manly assault. "What the hell?!"

Armstrong's eyes widened. "Indeed!" He exclaimed. "Look Arnold! It is the fabled Deus Ex Machina Plot Armor! Given only to those who are to weak to be able to really beat anyone themselves! To see a physical manifestation of it is rare indeed! His creator must like him very much!" He said, nearly laughing. "Little boy, your plot armor is indeed impressive, BUT IT CANNOT STAND AGAINST THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY ALCHEMY, PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS!" He roared, slamming both of his fists into the ground, causing several huge statues of himself in various poses to spring up, instantly shattering Susanoo.

"What?!" Sasuke screeched, his eyes widening. "Damn you!" He snarled, gathering his chakra.

"It's useless!" Armstrong exclaimed as one of his statues near Sasuke suddenly punched out, cold-cocking the teen, who collapsed bonelessly to the floor.

Suigetsu, seeing his chance, stepped forward. "Ha!" He yelled. "I can become even more muscley than you!" He cried out as he suddenly bulged with muscles.

"Your puny fake muscles cannot stand against our manly physiques!" Arnold exclaimed, curling his left arm, causing Suigetsu to spontaneously pop like an over-filled water balloon.

"Finally!" Karin cheered.

"What shall we do with him?" The Raikage asked, motioning to Sasuke's prone form.

Armstrong and Schwarznegger looked at each-other, nodded, then looked back to the Raikage. "We do the triple super manliness pose of ultimate posiness. It is the only way to wipe a taint like his from existence." Armstrong replied. Getting a nod of consent from the Raikage, the three bodybuilders surrounded Sasuke, then struck various poses, causing Sasuke to simply disappear, never to be seen again.

"NOOO!!!" Kishimoto screamed, wearing a Darth Vader mask.

"Now then, good sir." Armstrong started, walking over to the Raikage and posing in a friendly manner. "We must return to our places in Bodybuilding Heaven, the True Home for Eternal Posers, but we shall return if you ever need us! So keep posing the good fight, my friend, and know that there will be a place of honor for you in the posing hall of fame when you finally pass on and come to us in Bodybuilding Heaven!" He exclaimed as he and Schwarznegger faded from view.

Raikage nodded grimly, flexing once in appreciation before turning, seeing everyone else there, staring at him with open shock. "What?" He asked, sweatdropping.

"I don't even want to know." Gaara deadpanned, turning and walking away, quickly followed by the others.

After everyone else left, Madara popped into existence. "Tobi is a good boy!" He exclaimed happily, eating a cup of banana pudding.

And everything was alright with the world.

**-END!-**

A/N– Man I enjoyed writing that! *giggles madly, mind clearly gone*


	2. Chapter 2

A/N– Mwa ha ha! Did you honestly think that there would only be one chapter?! So did I, to be honest- But here's another anyway!

Disclaimer- It still stands! Though, if you ask me while in court why I'm doing this I'll have an orangutang slap your butt with a chicken-flavored block tofu salami! Trust me, ya don't want that to happen!

WARNING! This chapter is even weirder! Your cheese is on the line!

**-Ninja Art of Manly Posing, Part Poop!-**

**(seriously, if ANYONE gets that last part right there in the title, then humor us with the answer, and I'll tell you if you are right.)**

Kisame stood over Killer Bee, touching where the pencil cut his cheek. "I've gotta admit, that was pretty impressive." He complimented.

Bee grinned. "Thanks, but it wasn't meant to kill you." He replied.

Kisame's eyes widened at that. "What?!" He asked.

"Hold it right there!"

Kisame whirled around as Killer Bee struggled to his feet, the two of them staring at the Raikage and his two bodyguards, standing there with his arms crossed over his massive chest. "Looks like you got yourself in trouble again brother, and I'm going to have to bail you out." He remarked dryly.

Bee raised an eyebrow at that. "Are we gonna use the Double Lariat?" He asked, rotating his right arm.

"NO!" Raikage yelled loudly, surprising everyone. "I have a much more powerful and impressive attack to use against him!" He proclaimed, unfolding his arms.

Kisame twitched at that, pulling up the sword he held in his left hand. "Oh yeah? You think you can beat me when your brother couldn't?"

The Raikage grinned cockily. "Yeah, I do. Believe it!" He replied, holding his arms out to the sides as he shed his robes, fully revealing his muscled torso. "Prepare yourself, Kisame, for you are about to face the ultimate art... OF MANLY POSING!" He exclaimed grandiosely, clenching his fists down by his waist, tensing all of his considerable muscles at once, causing them to stand out in stark relief as a bright light seemed to shine around him, outlining his physique perfectly.

"AHHH! MY EYES! MY BRAIN! IT HUUURTS!" Kisame screamed, dropping the sword and grabbing at his face, blinded by the sheer muscliness, then spontaneously combusted, dying on the spot.

"Whoa...." Killer Bee breathed, his eyes widening behind his sunglasses in awe. "Bro, that is awesome! You must teach me!" He begged, dropping to his knees.

Without warning, there was a crack of thunder, causing everyone to jump as Armstrong and Schwarznegger appeared, flexing all of their manliness for everyone to admire. "Ho ho! We sense a new convert!" Armstrong exclaimed, bending his legs to flex them a bit more.

"Yes!" Killer Bee exclaimed, throwing himself at their feet. "Please teach me the way of the flexiness masters!" He begged, prostrating himself before them.

"Of course!" Arnold said, bending down to place a hand on Killer Bee's shoulder. "Such a fine example of shining manliness cannot be tuhned away!" He replied, holding up an electric yellow speedo for Bee.

Without warning, Might Guy and Rock Lee appeared in a swirl of leaves, striking their own unique poses. "Please, let us pose together!" Gai suggested, looking at the group through a ring he made with his index finger and thumb.

"NO!" Armstrong exclaimed, stepping forward as his moustache bristled threateningly, striking a pose to counter-act theirs. "You do not have the proper body builds, and your poses lack the spirit of true muscular manliness! Begone, you false posers!" He yelled, his muscles bulging.

"NOOO!" Gai cried out miserably, falling into a dark pit of depression.

"Gai-sensei!" Rock Lee yelled worriedly. "Do not despair, they do not know of what they speak! Remember the flames of youth!" He yelled loudly.

"Of course!" Gai laughed, bouncing back instantly. "Come Lee, let us go spread the joy of the fires of youth to the world!"

Gai-sensei!" Lee yelled happily.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

With that, the spandex-clad duo bounded off, leaving everyone twitching. "Well, at least they are gone now." Armstrong commented, little purple sparkles bursting to life about him. "Come my brothers! Let us forget about those two, and pose in many manly ways!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Killer Bee agreed, pumping his fist, now wearing nothing but his electric yellow speedo (just TRY and get that image out of your mind!) as the Raikage and Schwarznegger nodded in consent.

"I don't think so."

The sudden heavy, rasping voice caught everyone by surprise, causing Schwarznegger's eyes to widen. "No! It cannot be!" He gasped.

Before anyone could ask what he meant, a figure strode out from behind a tree, wearing green fatigues and Batman's cowl and cape. "That's right, I'm back!" He growled raspily.

"John Fat-Batman Christian Connor Bale! My greatest nemesis, son-figure, master, termination target! How cahn you be here?!" Schwarznegger gasped, placing a hand over his heart as he stepped back.

"I came here to stop YOU!" JFBCCB growled raspily. "And there is no way for you to stop me this time!"

"Ho ho, I beg to differ!" Armstrong exclaimed, stepping in front of his fellow muscle god. "I thought we might run into you some day, so I made sure to be prepared!"

"Huh? What are you talking about?!" JFBCCB growled, his voice even heavier and raspier than before.

"Heh heh, he's talking about me Bats." Said a sinister, familiar voice.

"NO!" JFBCCB's eyes widened as he whirled around, spotting Heath Ledger Joker standing there. "JOKER!" He snarled.

Heath Ledger Joker grinned happily. Yes... It's me... AND NOW WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN SWEETIE! I'M THE QUEEN, BUT YOU'LL BE THE ONE TO SCREAM WHEN I CREAM!" He said in a flamboyant voice, pulling out a cowboy hat and lasso, ripping off his suit to reveal that he was wearing nothing but a small cow-print vest and ass-less chaps. "Yippe-Kai-Yay!" He yelled, running at JFBCCB, twirling the lasso over his head.

"NOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!" JFBCCB screamed shrilly, running away, Heath Leger Joker hot on his heels.

"That... Was very, VERY disturbing..." The Raikage dead-panned as everyone sweat-dropped.

"Indeed, I almost feel bad for the boy." Armstrong replied, his sparkles losing a little bit of their shine.

"Bah!" Schwarznegger scoffed. "Let the Girly Bet get his just desserts! I say we go to The Home of the Eternal Posers, and Pose!" He exclaimed, getting a round of cheers from the others, save for the Raikage's two assistants, who looked at eachother fearfully.

"INDEED!" Armstrong exclaimed, clapping his hands together, causing a giant, golden gate to appear. "Welcome to the Gates!"

Everyone looked on in awe as the gates slowly opened... Revealing a 1980's Daytona Beach, complete with a Mr. Olympia stage.

"It's... It's beautiful..." The Raikage barely managed to choke back a sob as they all stepped into the gate, which closed behind them.

A few moments later, Madara popped out of thin air. "Tobi is still a good boy!" He exclaimed, happily enjoying a butterscotch Jello-pudding snack-pack, watching curiously as JFBCCB was chased around by Heath Ledger Joker, screaming about whipped cream and peanuts.

And all was still right with the world.

**-END AGAIN!-**

A/N- Heh, ok, even I am wondering about the state of my mind by now... XD PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. Author's Rant!

Ok, I'm gonna RANT!

Seriously folks, I post my second chapter of this super awesome fic, and only five hours later, it's already on the eighth page, having been kicked back by so many new fics and updates that it's absolutely mind-boggling? Ridiculous! And from what I've read in the descriptions, there are more than a few fics out there right now, in front of my crack fiction that are so absolutely horrid that I'm afraid to click on them! I mean seriously, just how many times can people come up with different ways to pair up this character and that one, creating pairings that seem more deranged than my mad ramblings? *blinks* I do believe I even saw a few Sakura/Itachi and Hinata/Hidan pairings! Don't get me wrong, I love creativity, but to this extent? Just how many people out there are obsessed with Deidria anyway? I know I saw at least a half-dozen fics with his name, and I was just glancing through!

However... *giggles* With this rant, I'm on page one again! Yay!

Don't make me bring out the plot-bunny of doom for another bunny attack fic people! I've already done it to Ranma! (Canon's Greatest Enemy)


End file.
